Marks

Personally, I love seeing him walk around with some cute marks as a reminder! He must have been a very naughty boy to deserve these..

Three strikes and your ouch!

I've decided... everytime I have to ask him to do something for the third time it's automatically three stripes on his bottom! Maybe the coffee cups will be cleared away next time!

General Thoughts

I thought I'd share a few things that ran through my mind on the way home from the supermarket... I was thinking about what I would tell someone starting out on this journey to help them reduce any potential feelings of insecurity:

• Confidence is sexy - the more positive you are, the more fun you'll have.  You both want to explore this, so enjoy it and don't keep apologising.  There is nothing more unsexy than someone constantly saying sorry. Don't forget, he is feeling apprehensive too and he will feed off your energy.
• Practice particularly your aim if it's not too hot.  Mine wasn't to start with.  The poor old cushions had to suffer me learning how to use some of the implements.  Their sacrifice wasn't in vain though, my partners bottom sports very accurate marks.
• Talking of bottoms, they are very resiliant and can take a lot more punishment than you imagine.  Generally, a good warm up is needed unless he's been really naughty. The warm up reduces marking which can also be helped by giving some of the punishment over his clothes. Don't hit the same spot to often and make sure you don't break the skin.
• If you are punishing as opposed to playing, use firm strokes.  In my experience, you will get more respect if you do.  As a general rule, if he's making the right noises and struggling to hold position, we are on the right track.  Don't slacken off on the firmness of the strokes. Increase them and vary them.  I always slip a couple of real stingers in because I can. The last one is always the hardest and he knows the penalty for breaking the rules on this one.  
• Always do what you say you are going to do.  Nothing undermines your ability to discipline more than not carrying out what you say you will. 

I'm quite getting to enjoy these moments of reflection :o)

He'll learn

Play or punish?

There should be a difference, if only to provide some variety.  The tone will be different and potentially the level of the discipline may change depending on the scenario.  Play discipline is typically more sensual and light hearted. A few taps here, a few taps there. More touchy feely. The language used is likely to be more playful. Punishment discipline is typically much firmer and stricter. Almost certainly a little more detached, which you may feel isn't so romantic. However, don't automatically assume punishment is not as sexy or erotic, if not more so.  It helps to understand what pushes his buttons as well as yours.  If punishment is your intention, it's reasonable to think it's not about pushing his buttons, more punishing his bottom.  Quite right! I've had the full range. For some partners, a gentle spanking over the knee was all that was needed.  Others needed their bottoms thrashed until a few tears appeared, which is surprisingly more erotic than I thought it would be, but thats another story. Many responded to both. Everyone is different.  I went through a phase of trying to read things into what they liked but it's ultimately a waste of energy.  My advice is don't think about it to much, just go with whatever approach works.         

Shorts

Sometimes with partners there is a need to give a warning that they could be subject to some discipline.  I used to do this verbally but it got tiring saying it all the time, so, I devised a useful system.  I bought my partner a pair of school shorts of the internet.  He had a thing for school uniforms.  I informed him that when he was wearing his school shorts he was at risk of school discipline.  I would tell him when he could wear them and if he failed to do something he was asked to do whilst in shorts, I was allowed to immediately thrash his bottom.  This wasn't school play. If he did what he was asked to do, there might be no consequence. If he chose to put his shorts on without my instruction, he had to keep them on for a minimum of two hours and take the consequences thereof.  As it was his choice to put them on, there was a buyout clause of six of the best with the cane touching his toes.  It was a bit of a shock for him the first time as I decided to reinforce the lesson quickly when he failed to clear the tea mugs like I'd asked him. In case he thought I was joking, I immediately sent him to get the cane and when he returned, I gave him four hard strokes bent over a chair, which turned into seven when he kept taking his hands off the place I'd told him to keep them. It's suprising how much quicker all the jobs got done after a few reminders.

I've put a couple of pictures up to show the consequences of failure!!

The Rules

Once I've decided my partner is going to be punished, I have some simple rules for him to follow when he is being disciplined.  I thought I might share some of them in case they are of use:

• No rubbing his bottom before the punishment is over
• No moving out of position
• No inappropriate language or excessive noise 
• Count each stroke and thank me or repeat what I have asked him to say
• No getting up before being told too
• Always answer a question

If he breaks any of these rules, he knows that I have the discretion to repeat the smack/stroke, add more or to start again. 

He has a tendancy to clench his bottom whilst he is being punished.  This is unacceptable as it reduces my target area, so, I insist he pushes his bottom up before each smack/stroke. This is acheived by him arching their back a little. As I like to remind him, if I am taking the time and effort to beat him, it's the least he can do to offer the best target.

More ideas

These pictures were not drawn by me.  If anyone can tell me the artists I will credit them.

Does this mean he's really submissive?

Not at all.  Many men like discipline and are not in the slightest bit submissive by nature. There is a big difference between being naturally submissive compared to him getting his bottom thrashed every now and again.  Neither should you assume this is a female led lifestyle described in other blogs. Many of the people, men and women, I have met who enjoyed discipline in their lives were strong confident characters and used to being in control.  In many cases, it is for that exact reason that they give up control for a small bit of their life to someone else. 

Ideas

These pictures were not drawn by me.  If anyone can tell me the artists I will credit them.

This isn't normal is it?

What's normal?  Normal is a personal thing and it's for each of us to define.  Personally, I think it's normal for us to search for things that give us a physical and/or an emotional high.  I can't say whether providing discipline is something you should feel comfortable about but I'm guessing the fact you are reading this means you are at least curious about it. All I can point to is the weight of evidence as I see it.  Type in discipline, spanking, caning etc into a search engine and you get a vast amount of hits - people must be demanding it.  Look at the number of forums - people must want to discuss it. Look at the number of stories - people must want to read about it.  High-street shops carry discipline equipment - people must be doing it. In my personal experience, most men want it to some degree. Many of them certainly needed it! If two consenting adults decide it's right for them, then go for it.  At the end of the day, you are the only ones who have to feel relaxed and comfortable with it.  I get pleasure doing it and so does my partner (when his bottom has cooled down!).  If this is something you want to pursue, I recommend you invest some time in getting to know what aspects actually turn him on. It might be a particular scenario or an implement rather than the whole thing. You don't want to waste time and emotional energy on something that isn't going to work for you both.  In my experience, this can usually be done by just playing around with ideas initially if both parties are finding their way and building the confidence to articulate what they want.       

Introduction

You might be asking why have I have taken the time to write this? Good question. Hopefully, I have a good answer. I have been with partners where both of us have been curious about discipline either as play or for more real reasons. The first time took me aback and left me with many questions.  My partners interests have ranged from gentle spanking to heavier scenes and roleplays. I've never been one to close my mind to such ideas. I might point out that I enjoy the play being reversed too, so, I also have that perspective.

Back then, there was no internet, so, it was a bit harder to get answers or help. Thankfully that has changed. The sites out there are numerous and laced with fantasy and fact.  There is no one place you can go to get the answers. However, the collective wisdom and ramblings or those more experienced is in abundance.  Your judgement is needed to sift the good stuff from the bad. 

There are some great books and great people to help when you reach out.  Hopefully, this site can start to answer some of your questions and if we are lucky, some of the more experienced readers will add their thoughts so you have a rounded opinion. Why now? I have a few days free and I decided to stop thinking about it and do it. Maybe it will generate some interest and help a few people.

The views I express here are drawn from my own experience, things I've reading and conversations I've had.  I've been with a partner needing discipline for a long time now. Have fun!